Saturday, October 12 [ posted @ 12:18:00 PM ] pv so an update: the deed was done today, n to say the least - it was not pretty..im so buggered......knackered beyond belief...i just wanna get over this day n wake up tomorw....
i think im gona faint soon..i m soooo in dire of some major sleep now
so goodnite everybody
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[ posted @ 12:15:00 PM ] pv You love to be pampered and romanced by your men and things like cuddling by a fire, having an intimate meal, or having a long, deep conversation can always put you in the mood. Sex to you is usually more about the man your with than the act itself. Not a one-night stand kind of girl, newness and disconnectedness just don't do it for you. The mature, stable men you prefer to date appreciate your loyalty and big heart, but they especially love the way you inspire their more aggressive, protective masculine side. What's Your Sexual MO? Find out @ She's Crafty #
[ posted @ 12:08:00 PM ] pv stole this quote from someones blog, n i thought it appropriate to put it here too
Life is a tragedy for those who feel, and a comedy for those who think ~ anonymous
[ posted @ 11:54:00 AM ] pv shit im so tired and sleepy right now i could just drop dead.........
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[ posted @ 11:46:00 AM ] pv
BLUE
You give your love and friendship unconditionaly. You enjoy long, thoughful conversations rich in philosophy and spirituality. You are very loyal and intuitive.
Friday, October 11 [ posted @ 12:51:00 PM ] pv i dont wanna go to work tomorrowwwwwww
time for bed.....:(
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[ posted @ 12:32:00 PM ] pv
You are the menthol of all menthols. All the other menthols are just wannabes. People either love you, or hate you. You could care less. You demand extreme loyalty from your friends and tend to embody extremes.
[ posted @ 12:10:00 PM ] pv i really dont get the sniper shooting thing in va...how or why would neone do such a sick n senseless thing? ..for someone who cant n wont even kill a mosquito, all this is unswallowable, unponderable...impossible....
neway, today was nother ok day...tomorow is dooms day tho i guess..sigh, so much to think about, so much to do...this week i deliberately avoided exposing myself to - or thinkin about, or havin nething to do with - nething even remotely stress-inducing becos i wanted to not fuckin think for a change..my minds never not thinkin, its always been on overdrive..until the past week...i feel reborn, like an entirely new person...what brought this life-changing event on, i have no idea...it just happened....i dint really do nething, honest to god..i just woke up one morning n ....well i just know im taking each day one at a time..n that im learning to love it...
tomorrow i will break up w my ex for good..like totally..n i mean no contact whatsoever, no fone calls, no nothing whatsoever...this is it...n yea, mebe a year or 5 years or 10 years from now ill look back on this day n regret it n hate myself...i dont know..i just know that rite now this is what i need to do....rite now, this is the right thing to do...
maybe im not who i was 2 weeks ago..mabe she died when tatto stopped loving her.....
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Thursday, October 10 [ posted @ 5:36:00 AM ] pv oh its been a...weird...seven days...........every single thing in my life has undergone...some sort of..change.....n right now im just trying to be happy.....n guess what....its not so hard after all.... =))
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Tuesday, October 8 [ posted @ 8:21:00 AM ] pv this site is fun...n it rated melbourne as the best city in the world (go here)..vancouver came second, perth third..hey hk was listed too, on par with sanfran - wow, im proud hahaha
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[ posted @ 8:12:00 AM ] pv My Time On Earth
- billy gilman
My time on Earth
Long as it seems
Is just a moment
In the grand scheme of things
A short refrain
Of life's endless song
Sung only once
And then we're gone
My time on Earth
Each breath I breathe
Is one more chance to share my love
With those around me
We come and go
Like shooting stars
The truth be known,
That's all we are
The more that I know
The more I can see
The older I grow
The more I believe
It's not the length of the life
Or the depth of the grave
In the end we'll be measured
By the love that we gave
So my time on Earth
On fate depends
But all that happens
In the space we're meant to live
Depends on me
And choices I face
For better or worse
They're mine to make
The more that I know
The more I can see
The older I grow
The more I believe
It's not the length of the life
Or the depth of the grave
In the end we'll be measured
By the love that we gave
So my time on Earth
Will be well spent
And when I leave this world
I'll leave with no regrets
I'll live and love
For all its worth
'Till I live out
My time on Earth
[ posted @ 8:03:00 AM ] pv abt a wk has passed since i last blogged for obvious reasons: gettin physically sick over doin too many tings over too short a period of time...gettin turned off by, n thus avoidin, the pc bcos tatto never had time to be with me neway - once again, i felt relegated to "useless"/"unimportant" status when, once again, his job took over not only his time..but also his brains, his effort, everything..then there was the weirdness i was feelin: not knowing myself, not knowing who i was, who id become..it was like i was a complete stranger to myself even...at one point i felt so invisible, it was like an out-of-body experience..a life-less soul floating above everybody..and nobody gave a damn about me...i was too invisible, too unimportant....
and then last week it finally happened..........
and right now i still dont know who i am..or what im doing...all i know is, im not who i was last week..n neither am i who i was 2 wks ago...so in the past 3 wks ive been 3 different persons..i feel like a fuckin chameleon...i find it so hard, n tiresome, chasing after myself...im not sure wats going on...in my head..or in my heart...i just know that im still growing...im still not "myself"...im still getting there...still learning...still feeling...still hurting....still figuring things out......
#
fascinating (not) tales of the life and love of a fucked up fat girl.
im sorry i fail all of you
but i can only be me
i cant stand to fly
im not that naive
im just out to find
the better part of me
im more than a bird
im more than a plane
im more than some pretty face
beside a train
and its not easy to be me
i wish that i could cry
fall upon my knees
find a way to lie
bout a home ill never see
it may sound absurd
but thats all that i need
even heroes have the right to bleed
i may be disturbed
but won't you concede
even heroes have the right to dream
n its not easy to be me
up, up and away, away from me
well its all right
you can all sleep sound tonight
im not crazy...or anything
i cant stand to fly
im not that naive
men werent meant to ride
with clouds between their knees
im only a man
no silly red sheet
diggin for kryptonite on this one way street only a man, no phony red sheet
looking for...special things inside of me
inside of me
inside of me
yeah, inside me
inside of me
im only a man
no phony red sheet
im only a man
looking for a dream
im only a man
no phony red sheet
and its not easy...
its not easy
to be me
> ::: the unforgiven ::: >
new blood joins this earth
and quickly hes subdued
thru constant pain disgrace
the young boy learns their rules
with time the child draws in
this whipping boy done wrong
deprived of all this thoughts
the young man struggles on
and on hes known
a vow unto his own
that never from this day
his will theyll take away
what ive felt what ive known
never shined thru in what ive shown
never be never see
wont see what might have been
what i felt what ive known
never shined thru in what ive shown
never be never me
so i dub thee unforgiven
they dedicate their lives
to running all of his
he tries to please them all
this bitter man he is
thruout his life the same
hes battled constantly
this fight he cannot win
a tired man they see
he no longer cares
the old man then prepares
to die regretfully
that old man here is me
what ive felt what ive known
never shined thru in what ive shown
never be never see
wont see what might ve been
what ive felt what ive known
never shined thru in what ive shown
never free never me
so i dub thee unforgiven
what ive felt what ive known
never shined thru in what ive shown
never be never see
wont see what might ve been
what ive felt what ive known
never shined thru in what ive shown
never free never me
so i dub thee unforgiven
01 eat right |
02 get a real job |
03 deal with debts |
04 start a savings plan |
05 always be reading at least one book at all times |
06 read the paper everyday |
07 save up for a car |
08 write letters weekly |
09 think positively |
10 move out, get own place |
11 volunteer at peta |
12 make parents proud of me |
13 be happy |
14 be healthy |
15 focus on life goals |
16 be happy
> ::: whats up ::: >
march 04 | movie date w veni 06 | veni + jericks 9th yr anniversary; AS leaves for sydney for good 11 | AS bday 13 | peta dinner 14 | jericks bday; peta demo at kfc - lan kwai fong, noon 15 | bkfair at german swiss intl school 17 | mom n dads 30th wedding anni 20 | moms bday; meatout 2003 22 | bar hopping w veni? 23 | spca pet walk 2003 - tai tam reservoir, 10a-noon 24 | d-day, 1st year anniversary
april 04 | 9.30am job interv; 2-6pm meet w job agent; first bellydancing class 7.30pm 07 | alfreds bday 07-09 | asia for animals conference 14 | anti-dog/cat eating demo worldwide 19 | ryans bday 27 | unc romy's bday 20 | dads bday
> ::: to do ::: >
. pics on yahoo
. write up a letter to student loans
. send stuff to shah
. sort -ves/pics
. get lenses n glasses
. smth for veni
. jinns vet appt
. dimp, sonys bday pressie
. send kan her stuff
. compile AL/AR ngo list
. head over to cath shop
. post tatt's stuff
. do tim's arts/craft
. trade amex flyer points
. pick up license ($1k), deadline jan 04
. save hotmail sent mail
. burn teroh stuff on cd
. change info of all online accounts
. sunday complaint letter
. read za's blog
. c the doc (maybe?)
. change blog template
. stuff to give sony/dimp
. draft out stans speech
> ::: about moi ::: >
kiara on good days, killkiara on bad days |
a libran in my 20s |
a dragon baby |
vegan and proud |
born in the phils |
moved to hk 20+ yrs ago |
sing used to b my 2nd home
for reasons id rather (but cant) forget |
i have a soft spot for indo |
used to be in love and obssessed with tatto, whos now married |
currently has the hots for/falling in love with stan, a seattle boy
> ::: all i am ::: >
insecure | emotional | disenchanted, disillusioned and disappointed | supersensitive |
melancholic by nature | fragile and easily broken | stubborn as a bull | always restless |
pensive to the point of paranoia | unhealthily sentimental | demonstrative of my feelings | openly affectionate |
i dont forget easily | i listen to my heart more than my head | cold and distant |
i dont like nor trust people | idealistic but hopeless | hoping but pessimistic |
pure in heart but tainted in spirit
> ::: favorite things ::: >
walking barefoot | sky gazing at night | being disorganized | babies (age <6) |
giving presents to ppl i love | clubbing (and drinking) | the
taste of blood | sitting by the pier when im down | really late nights | telling myself
that im a failure, so that when i beat the odds im pleasantly surprised | hugs | being a
girly-girl when im in love | being treated like a girly girl when im in love |
dressing up for the occasion | peanuts and peanut candy | candles and incense sticks | smelling and
kissing the back of my mans neck | spiritual conversations | the smell of vanilla
> ::: pet peeves ::: >
people who chew with their mouths open (esp gum) | festive events esp bdays and
xmas | having to throw stuff away | asians/wannabe gweis with fake pseudo
yanky/pommy/etc accents | nouveau-riche bastards (and bitches) who think theyre all that |
when animals suffer | all this hype over article 23 of the basic
law | people who teach their pets dumb tricks | sorority-type airheads | guys wearing
tight jeans/pants | my hair just after its washed | the sight/smell of raw meat |
being broke | takin cat naps in the afternoon (i wake up real cranky) | lies,
dishonesty, fakeness for the sake of formality
> ::: good gurl ::: >
my honesty | generosity | im very dedicated and devoted | im not materialistic |
im earthy | im true and genuine to myself and the ppl around me | i dont play mindgames
nor bullshit | im environmentally conscious and socially aware | im painstakingly
meticulous in my
thoughts so im never caught unaware in the end | my inate sense of compassion |
im unafraid | im not a sellout (and will never be one)
> ::: bad bitch ::: >
my honesty | prone to xtreme bouts of mood swings, depresssion and self-hate |
i think too much and feel too much | i do stupid things when i feel like it |
im neurotic | im unforgiving | i dont have a sense of humor | i spend too much money |
im always suspicious of people | i procrastinate | when i m anxious, afraid or nervous,
i bite my nails till they bleed | i get too attached to ppl too soon | im a crybaby |
my belief in the existence of a perfect world | my desperate attempts to find that
perfect world
> ::: i want ::: >
to be understood | all animals to be free | animals to not be human fodder | vivisection, hunting, fishing,
fur, circuses, zoos, pet stores, etc banned for good | no
racial/ gender/ ethnic/ class/ religious/ political barriers between us |
honesty from everyone around me | inner peace | true, everlasting love |
to feel excited that im alive | to never lose my integrity | to live simply,
feel deeply, love openly and express honestly
> ::: all the world's a stage ::: >
AS |
first love..almost got engaged to him but i messed up. together for 5+ yrs..the most
wonderful, decent, understanding, kind man in the universe...
whoever marries this guy is the luckiest girl on the planet
jinger |
aka jinn/jinney..much-loved baby, reason of my existence, purpose of my being
kitty |
rip baby girl - ure never forgotten...i love you
roque |
ex-love...came into my life, loved me, turned my life around..then
left for the states suddenly. currently mia but i will always be grateful
to him for saving me..i hold him close to my heart
stan |
current fixation and obsession..object of my affections and my hearts desire.
lives millions of miles away and i miss him terribly :( sexy, studly, gorgeous and has
a beautiful mind
tatto (tatt) |
the love of my life? we could not be together due to circumstances beyond
our control..the creator-destroyer of my life
tim |
my kiddo with tatto. turned 3 in jan 2003..health and happiness to you always
little 'un
tom |
online friend extraordinaire..a truly one of a kind kind of guy
veni |
dancing queen, girl of many men's (and women's?) fantasies,
die-hard gackt fan, anime freak, ardent meat eater...also: best friend/ girlfriend/
life saver/ partner in crime/ personal life coach/ motivator/ unpaid shrink/ punching
bag of yours truly
> ::: current state ::: > updated on 15 apr
local time 01:32 (+8.00 GMT)
wearing | blk baby tee, green hipsters
doing | chillin...i m *so* tired :(
watching | nothing
listening to | nothing
eating | had wholewheat crackers last
drinking | hmm tink gna make myself some kunyit asam now
reading |
1.
our looks, our lives by nancy friday (harper)
2.
the amazing true story of a teenage single mom by katherine arnoldi (hyperion)
3. teen love on relationships by kimberly kirgerger (hci teens)
4. the perfectly contented meat-eater's guide to vegetarianism by mark warren reinhardt (continuum)
I believe that imagination is stronger than knowledge -
That myth is more potent than history.
I believe that dreams are more powerful than facts -
That hope always triumphs over experience -
That laughter is the only cure for grief.
And I believe that love is stronger than death.
~ Robert Fulghum
If you think your love would not be welcomed do not voice it. For it be slient it
can be endured, and guarded, like a flame.
~ Antoine de Saint-Exupery
Its best to not ask the questions of answers u dont wanna know,
or answers which u know will only bring u pain.
~ me
sometimes you just have to learn to let things go.
its hard.
you let go though.
don't dwell on something until it eats you away. try to see people in the now,
and what they mean. not by things they've done in the past.
~ rola
Love is passion. Obsession. Someone you can't live without.
Someone you fall head over heels for. Find someone you can love like crazy,
and will love you the same way back. Listen to your heart. No sense in life
without this. To make the journey without fallin deeply in love, you haven't
lived a life at all. You have to try, because if you haven't tried, then you
haven't really lived.
~ from "Meet Joe Black"
Every place you land in life has a reason and a lesson.
~ Tori Amos
One must still have chaos in oneself to be able to give birth to a dancing star.
The first step to finding love is to look inside yourself for it.
God grant me the serenity to accept the things i cannot change,
courage to change the things i can, n wisdom to know the difference.
Life is a tragedy for those who feel, and a comedy for those who think
The greatest power we have is the power of choice. It's an actual fact that if you've
been moping in unhappiness, you can choose to be joyous instead and by effort,
lift yourself to joy. If you tendto be fearful, you can overcome that misery by
choosing to have courage. Even in the darkest grief you have choice. The whole
trend and quality of anyone's life is determined in the long run by the choices
that are made.
~ Norman Vincent Peale
If you have the courage to love, you survive.
~ Maya Angelou
We are healed from suffering only by experiencing it in the full.
~ Marcel Proust
To fear love is to fear life, and those who fear life are already three parts dead.
~ Bertrand Russell
blogger | host enetation | commenting system extreme tracking | stats, tracking info fastonlineusers.com | no.-of-ppl-online indicator five for fighting | for intro and great sounds gostats | stats (hate the pop up ads tho) icq | the greatest instant msging pgm out there imood | mood thingy metallica | for intro nedstat | tracking and stats oasis | for title inspiration, great music tagboard | for um, tagboard
and last but not least,
my shitty intel celeron, without which i wud not be blogging today
Girlwithagun
