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Saturday, December 28 [ posted @ 11:19:00 PM ] pv Kung OK Lang Sa'yo - True Faith 'Di malaman Kung ano ang gagawin sa damdamin Na 'di ko maamin sa sarili Kung bakit ka pa ba nandiyan Sabi-sabi ng mga kaibigan ko H'wag mong pilitin ang 'di para sa'yo Ngunit bakit hindi kita malimutan Sa'yo ba'y OK lang? Habang tumatagal Nagwawala, laging nawawala Tumitindi, umiinit Sumasakit ang dibdib Kaya ako'y gumawa ng awiting ito Na alay ko sa'yo At sana'y pakinggan mo H'wag ka sanang magugulat sa akin 'Di ako sanay sa ganitong suliranin H'wag kang matakot hindi ako manloloko Kung okey lang sa 'yo Ngayong alam mo na Sana'y 'di ka mainis at Pasensya na kung ako ay makulit Pero kung gusto mo Ako na lang ang lalayo Kung okey lang sa 'yo Habang tumatagal, lumalala Laging nagwalwala Tumitindi, umiinit Sumasakit ang dibdib Kaya ako'y gumawa ng awiting ito Na alay ko sa 'yo At sana'y pakinggan mo Kung ok lang sa yo # [ posted @ 10:31:00 PM ] pv i feel quite fucked up now. # [ posted @ 10:29:00 PM ] pv well since im dpressd n confusd n out of words, heres nother of em stupid qstn thingies to start off the day < YoU > Name: kiara (online alias) Date of Birth: oct, 70s' Weight: 10lbs heavier than wat i shud b Ethnic Origin: fil Current Location: hk Eye Colour: blk Hair Colour: natural col: blk..but constant dyin/highlightin ve rendered it a weird brown-reddish tint Hair Texture: uncontrolable rite after washin, but give it a cpl days n it goes straight n pretty, curlin outwards at the ends Is your hair natural or dyed: dyed, n chemically straightend twice Shoe Size: a humongous size 8 :( Skin Tone: er normal for a fil chick Nicknames and how did you get them: shae, roch - short forms of my real name. but ppl call me by my full name most of the time < Wardrobe > Describe your style: i dress for the occasn..im v versatile whn it comes to clothes..im a chameleon What colour/s for clothes do you prefer: almost always blk n ne shade of red Bikini or one piece: a tankini If Bikini what style: If One Piece what style: smth w stringy straps, pref backless What are your favourite accessories: earrings, bracelets Do you dress to impress or dress for yourself: myself..i know wat looks good/shit on me Do you follow trends: somtimes, when i dont look stupid wearin em What colour do you prefer for underwear: blk for bras, ne for undies What styles for underwear: hmm..watevers comfy i guess Bikini brief or G's: dpends on who gets to c afterwards lol < ThE OrIginAl SkiN > Do you wear make-up: yes If so, what do you wear: tinted moisturizer..lipgloss...lippy..eyeliner..mascara/blush/eyeshadow for special occasns or nites out What is your preferred brand: hm im not loyal to ne one brand..i ve a bit of evythin What hair products do you use: straightener gel, shine spray, serum How do you wear your hair: i leave it down..i usd to tie it into a ponytail but roque told me i look way too serious, so havent since that day What's your before-bed routine: cleanse, tone, moisturize..if i dont gta wake up early the nex day, i apply eye gel Favourite perfume: thts a secret Do you burn or tan: neither Do you have any skin problems: yea whn i eat oily foods. docs ve said ive got v sensitive skin, which xplains the keloids Piercings: earlobes so far. ones on ear cartilage got infectd n i had to let em close < The RanDom > Describe yourself in 6 words: very very insecure, bright, depressive, rational What are your favourite songs right now: the scientist, in my place by coldplay...hmm pearl jams last kiss Describe how you fit in socially: i hate meetin new ppl but if we click i dont hold bk..i trust only a v few ppl. but suffice to say, most ppl cant bear my detail-mindedness, my constant need to analyze n make sense of things, n i ve the remarkable ability to dpress ppl too Do you suffer from depression, anxiety or any other similar complaint: dpressn, self hate, self injury, emotional shutdown, i lash out in anger/rage Night or day? night, or v early mornin What do you get up to at night: i always gta keep my mind occupied else i end up thinkin/doin stupid things n i cry..so i watch tv, listen to mp3s, blog, clean my rm What do you get up to through the day: same as abv Favourite time of day: whn im asleep Favourite Fast Food: none Are you healthy: phy yes. mentally, i know i need help # [ posted @ 11:44:00 AM ] pv yawnnnnnnnnn # [ posted @ 10:46:00 AM ] pv i have a question for u all, comment as u please, if u may: who is the greater man here, tween the two: 1. the man who chooses to stay w the mother of his child, for the sake of their child..he doenst love the mother (n vice versa), n breaks up the rel of the mother n another guy in the process - this guy loves her n wants to marry her, n loves n treats the child as his own. 2. the man who chooses not to ve nethin to do w the mother (he believes bein w her n their child under the same roof wud only bring unhapiness n guilt to the child). he is in contact w/ his child (only sporadically, at the womans request) n financially supports him # [ posted @ 10:04:00 AM ] pv Sister Hazel Hey, hey, did you ever think there might be another way to just feel better, just feel better, about today? oh, no, if you never want to turn and go away, you might feel better, might feel better, if you stay. yeah, yeah, I bet you haven’t heard a word I said. yeah, yeah, you've had enough of all your trying. just giveup the state of mind you're in. if you want to be somebody else. if you're tired of fighting battles, with yourself. if you want to be somebody else, change your mind, change your mind. hey, hey have you ever danced in the rain, or thanked the sun, just for shining, just for shining? or the sea? oh, no, take it all in the world to show you that, you look much better, look much better, when you glow. yeah, yeah, I hope you've heard every word I’ve said. yeah, yeah, had enough of all your trying, just give up the state of mind you're in. if you want to be somebody else. if you're tired of fighting battles, with yourself. if you want to be somebody else, change your mind, change your mind. hey, hey, I bet you say we both go and seize the day, because what you hurry, what you hurry, anyway? yeah, yeah, I hope you've heard every word I’ve said. yeah,yeah, you've had enough of all your trying you just give up the state of mind your in. if you want to be somebody else. if you're tired of losing battles with yourself. if you want to be somebody else, change your mind, change yourmind, change your mind, change your mind # Thursday, December 26 [ posted @ 11:05:00 AM ] pv kea (03:12 AM) : b safe n b well i wonder n i wish but it is all to no avail. Message was sent. User is Offline. The message will be delivered when user goes Online. # [ posted @ 11:00:00 AM ] pv this is for u, tatto Kite -u2 Something is about to give I can feel it coming I think I know what it means I'm not afraid to die I'm not afraid to live And when I'm flat on my back I hope to feel like I did And hardness, it sets in You need some protection, the thinner the skin I want you to know That you don't need me anymore I want you to know You don't need anyone or anything at all Who's to say where the wind will take you? Who's to say what it is will break you? I don't know which way the wind will blow Who's to know when the time has come around? Don't wanna see you cry I know that this is not goodbye In summer, I can taste the salty sea There's a kite blowing out of control on a breeze I wonder what's gonna happen to you You wonder what has happened to me I'm a man I'm not a child A man who sees The shadow behind your eyes Who's to say where the wind will take you? Who's to say what it is will break you? I don't know where the wind will blow Who's to know when the time has come around? I don't wanna see you cry I know that this is not goodbye Did I waste it? Not so much I couldn't taste it Life should be fragrant Rooftop to the basement The last of the rock stars When hip-hop drove the big cars In the time when new media Was the big idea That was the big idea u dont need me nemore...i feel its time for me to let u let me go.....ive done my part..u hve no use for me nemore....mebe we were brought together for me to help u thru ur sickness, n damn i did my job pretty damn good.........i fell in love with u n left my then-bf for u...i gave u evything, my heart belonged to u n u only...despite circumstances, i gave n loved n gave n loved n gave n loved..without xpectatns of receivin nethin in return... n now u r well..my prayers ve been answered, finally. u can move on to b with her..... i will have to let u go.. u have a life now. u have a future. ive done my part. n now tis time for me to move on, no matter how much it hurts. im sorry for all the damage my love has brought to ur life. im sorry for all the people there ive hurt. im sorry i insisted that u shud let me love u. altho i loved u with all my heart, soul, n every fiber of my being - i know its not enough. be well n live well. be healthy n be happy. live in love n in wonder. n always be good to urself. # [ posted @ 10:49:00 AM ] pv i have not blogged bcos i m confused. words escape me, my feelins r all muddled up, n i m sick of analyzing, thinking, tryin to make sense of things. i swear my brain works on overdrive, one of these days ill self implode n end up in a looney house. # [ posted @ 5:30:00 AM ] pv  What's Your Personality?Find out! # Tuesday, December 24 [ posted @ 11:20:00 PM ] pv 1891523 (03:27 PM) : <3 <3 <3 Message was sent. User is Offline. The message will be delivered when user goes Online. 1891523 (03:28 PM) : for you # [ posted @ 8:29:00 AM ] pv happy birthday jesus # Monday, December 23 [ posted @ 5:24:00 PM ] pv he said "i love you still" (8.18am). i was beyond euphoric. i started to cry. # Sunday, December 22 [ posted @ 5:16:00 PM ] pv all i keep thinkin is how shitty today will b coz ive got soo much to do, n its drivin me nuts..sigh. i cant wait till...um, wtf is there to look fwd to.......feel ive been runnin down blind alley after blind alley n theres no end in sight..where is the sun? where is the light at the end of the tunnel? is this wat my lifes gna b all abt? unfulfilled dreams, bitterness, deep hurt, self pity, heartache, intense feelin of worthlessness... xmas will either make me or break me.sigh. n today...mebe tis a gd thing ill b whacked as shit later on, plus i dint get much sleep last nite..then tonite i can sleep like theres no tomorw, i mean evy wakin moment is torture neway so sleep is always good im rambling. well time to go to battle. sigh. someone love me :( # [ posted @ 12:11:00 PM ] pv ok enough reading. as xpected i dint do nothin all nite which means im screwed tomorw....i have to b up in less than 4 hrs. shit. # [ posted @ 11:56:00 AM ] pv  Maybe you have the reason to hate, and you are angry for that right reason. Perhaps, you are angry because you are mistreated, or you just mean. But you must be aware, that it is not good to be treated cruelly or taste somebody's WRATH, and if, your victim eventually is me... you'll rot deep down in sheol like Satan Take Which 'fallen one' are you? Quiz by Xera # [ posted @ 10:56:00 AM ] pv 
# [ posted @ 10:46:00 AM ] pv  take free enneagram test You desire understanding, for people to see the real you. Impetus - deficit and/or excess of understanding in your life experience. Problem - people only understand what is familiar, if you exist outside the norms, few will ever understand you. too intellectual too withdrawn too impractical too alert too progressive too non conforming too conscious too future oriented too intuitive too insecure too judgemental too orderly too receptive too submissive underreaching overly negative slack too needy underwhelmed Enneagram Personality Type Four Individualist, Artist, Melodramatic, Mystic, Elitist, Demeaning Envy with the fear of being painfully lacking, inadequate, flawed or defective In a search for connection to original source, the attention of the Four goes to the search for meaning, what is missing, melancholy, and longing for the unavailable. Self Definition I am unique, I am special, I am aesthetic, and I am tasteful Avoidance Ordinary, Commonness, Commonplace, negative mirroring Goal To reclaim a sense of emotional balance to reconnect with original source. Type 4. Romantic World View: Something's missing. Others have it. I'm different from them because I don't. Basic Desire: to understand self Basic Fear: of being defective Healthy loop controlled by Basic Desire: Need for self-understanding -> examine self -> understand themselves -> Need for self-understanding In the healthy state, the need for self-understanding induces Type Fours to allow their emotions to surface and examine these emotions in order to understand themselves. When Fours achieve self-understanding, their need is satisfied and a balance is reached. In the average state, when Fours' do not examine closely their emotions, they start to not understand themselves. This increases the need for self-understanding, which helps Fours to again examine themselves. Thus the balancing loop can help Fours to recover. Unhealthy loop controlled by Basic Fear: Fear of being defective -> indulge in fantasy -> understand themselves -> Fear of being defective In the unhealthy state, the basic fear of being defective can cause Type Fours to ignore their true selves, allow their emotions to overwhelm them, and indulge in wild fantasy about themselves. This means they will understand themselves even less, and further increases Fours' basic fear. The cycle continues to build up. Insight: We can see from the diagram that a way to help break the control of the basic fear is to weaken the unhealthy loop. Fours can refrain from indulging in fantasy and start examining themselves. This will help Fours to understand themselves, and reduce the fear of being defective. cont... Romantics have sensitive feelings and are warm and perceptive. How to Get Along with Me Give me plenty of compliments. They mean a lot to me. Be a supportive friend or partner. Help me to learn to love and value myself. Respect me for my special gifts of intuition and vision. Though I don't always want to be cheered up when I'm feeling melancholy, I sometimes like to have someone lighten me up a little. Don't tell me I'm too sensitive or that I'm overreacting! What I Like About Being a Four my ability to find meaning in life and to experience feeling at a deep level my ability to establish warm connections with people admiring what is noble, truthful, and beautiful in life my creativity, intuition, and sense of humor being unique and being seen as unique by others having aesthetic sensibilities being able to easily pick up the feelings of people around me What's Hard About Being a Four experiencing dark moods of emptiness and despair feelings of self-hatred and shame; believing I don't deserve to be loved feeling guilty when I disappoint people feeling hurt or attacked when someone misundertands me expecting too much from myself and life fearing being abandoned obsessing over resentments longing for what I don't have Fours as Children Often have active imaginations: play creatively alone or organize playmates in original game s are very sensitive feel that they don't fit in believe they are missing something that other people have attach themselves to idealized teachers, heroes, artists, etc. become antiauthoritarian or rebellious when criticized or not understood feel lonely or abandoned (perhaps as a result of a death or their parents' divorce) Fours as Parents help their children become who they really are support their children's creativity and originality are good at helping their children get in touch with their feelings are sometimes overly critical or overly protective are usually very good with children if not too self-absorbed Type Four The Individualist wants to be special and unique. The Individualist has a compulsive need to understand their feelings, to be understood, to search for the missing meaning of life, and to avoid being ordinary. Features: The Heart Center: Moves towards others - Underdeveloped feeling. Original Loss: "I was too plain and common." Problem Emotion: Sadness Decision: Being unique and special allows you to survive and be loved. False Claim: "I am not ordinary. I am one of a kind." Four Adjectives: Intuitive and creative, but self-absorbed and depressive Self-image: "I am different. I’m not like you." Compulsion: To be unique and have a special style. Avoidance: Ordinariness, everyday commonness. Sin: Envy Gift: To bring out the unique, special qualities of a situation or a person. Three Wing: More extroverted, upbeat, ambitious, flamboyant, and image-conscious. Five Wing: More Introverted, intellectual, idiosyncratic, reserved, and depressed. Stress Point: 2 - Excessive helping, compulsive intrusion, hysterical, and desperate. Security Point: 1 - Steady, principled action, distinguishes between feelings and values. Crossing the River: Uses fancy styles and even does a water ballet. Affirmation: "I will value each day no matter how ordinary." -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Adjectives for High Functioning Fours: Cherishes Beauty Artistically Expressive Self-aware Vulnerable Inspired Creative Intuitive Refined Sensitive Unique Personal and Revealing Imaginative Adjectives for Average Functioning Fours: Self-Absorbed Feels Different Enigmatic Dreamer Special Moody Emotional Romantic Descriptive Adjectives for Low Functioning Fours: Self-Reproachful Avoids Ordinariness Self-pitying Impractical Melancholic Depressed Despairing Alienated Tormented Hopeless Exempt Fears Success -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Famous Examples of Fours: Jackie Onassis, Jeremy Irons, Paul Simon, Bob Dylan, Anne Rice, J.D. Salinger, Edgar Allen Poe, Prince, Judy Garland, Vincent Van Gogh, Marlon Brando, James Dean, Patsy Cline, Elizabeth Taylor, Janis Joplin, France - the Country. # [ posted @ 10:31:00 AM ] pv wat a night tonite turned out to b...i wont go into details bcos too much happ n im a bit tired...all i know is tomorw is gna b a real hectic day :( yawnnn..still got stuff to do b4 i can go to zzZzz..sigh, jst gna take a breather for a bit n then start work...yawnnnnn 2 days till xmas :( sigh.... # [ posted @ 9:28:00 AM ] pv i just got home n ive got nothing done!! ARGH. # [ posted @ 2:24:00 AM ] pv things to do before tomorrow: - buy dog food, padded envelope - address xmas card to mun - pack tatto, tims xmas cards - get pics copied for veni, dimp, kan n sony - pics for chauntel things to do tomorw: - post stuff (mun, all xmas cards) - buy book on golden retrievers for jay tonite: - sort pics - sort receipts - xmas ecards # [ posted @ 12:56:00 AM ] pv wtf is goin on w/my online counter # |
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