Tuesday, April 15 [ posted @ 9:49:00 AM ] pv THE DAY MY LIFE CHANGED FOREVER#
Monday, April 14 [ posted @ 3:07:00 PM ] pv u dont want commitment..but u want my company
u dont want to b serious..but u dont want me to back off
u say u dont know me..but u say ure fond of me
i say ill respect ur wishes n leave u b..u tell me to stay...
#
[ posted @ 2:27:00 PM ] pv u want ur cake n u want to eat it too
#
[ posted @ 1:17:00 PM ] pv Power train says:
hey are you with your pms
punky says:
wel u askd wat peta was n i told u
punky says:
nex time u dont wana know..dont ask
Power train says:
i was supposed to thank you for letting me know what peta is, but with your attitude, i would save my politeness
Power train says:
if i knew, why would i ask??!!
punky says:
uknow smth..nex time u wana propose to go on a trip w someone...dont tell her much much later that ure sleepin w the ex ok?
Power train says:
i dont have time to explain this to u, if u are still here after my meeting, we can talk
punky says:
nah its ok..im hurt
punky says:
no worries..im gna turn in whn u leave
Power train says:
for one thing, i am not sleeping with her. I did only once since i came back. it was a mistake, i admit. ok?
punky says:
i know we nev agreed on some exclusivity thing....but i gues it still hurt
Power train says:
cuz .... wtf... i dont have to say much. ... but i am sorry if you are hurt, not my intention
punky says:
neone in my shoes wud b hurt, even attila the hun
Power train says:
sorry
Power train says:
but i didnt mean to....
Power train says:
and u asked... i wanted to lie but i couldnt le
Power train says:
lie
Power train says:
to u
Power train says:
and the truth was told, someone is hurt....
punky says:
yea..once again, had i not askd u wudve never told me
Power train says:
what could i do?
punky says:
i hate that
Power train says:
why would i want to tell u, looking for trouble and headache?
punky says:
i told u upfront i dont wana read ur mind or assume tings
punky says:
coz dammit its the rite thing to do..lies/dishonesty SUCK
Power train says:
i dont have time now, we can talk more later
punky says:
n u know sooner or later the ugly truth gna come out...n it b more painful n shitty then
punky says:
nah its ok im off to bed..no worries ill b ok
Power train says:
but i want to let u know, i adore u ... up to u if u want to believe it
Power train says:
or not
punky says:
i do..but it stil hurt
Power train says:
gotta ok
punky says:
2 entirely diff tings
punky says:
yea off u go, tc n ve a nice day
Power train says:
what could i do to make it up for u
punky says:
jst get some sleep n tc for now
punky says:
will catch u online some time soon hopefuly
Power train says:
can u cut this shit?
Power train says:
god
n with that last line...he walked off. FUCK U...u fuck up n u dare walk off on me?? that is so fuckin retarded..........
#
[ posted @ 11:04:00 AM ] pv i hvent been this tired/sleepy in weeks.....
#
[ posted @ 10:32:00 AM ] pv Life is a process of one goneness after another.
- Russell Hoban, "The Bat Tattoo
"What is essential is invisible to the eye.
- Saint Exupery, "The Little Prince"
#
[ posted @ 7:59:00 AM ] pv tatto wants to get back together again!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#
[ posted @ 7:11:00 AM ] pv this bullshit from 2 separate men..2 men who first fucked me..then fucked up my life..i spent wks n mths tryin to get over them, w utmost grace n dignity n self respect......
then they both turn up, after WKS of zero contact watsover..both spewing bullshit...all within an hr of each other. DAMN#
[ posted @ 7:08:00 AM ] pv rusty says:
this whole thing , or watever ive bn tellin u r all made up
punky says:
uhuh
rusty says:
r all made up by me
punky says:
rite...
rusty says:
qstn?
punky says:
no..u need to tell me watever, how do i know wat to ask or where to start
rusty says:
hmm
rusty says:
how shld i put it
rusty says:
i jus carried away
rusty says:
jus got carried away
rusty says:
frm one lie to another
rusty says:
i did not expect tt it will blow out of proportion
rusty says:
but it jus did
#
[ posted @ 5:17:00 AM ] pv Power train says:
hey there
Power train says:
I didnt see your message until now
Power train says:
beep me when you are back ok?
[ posted @ 4:20:00 AM ] pv i hvent blogged in 2 days, wat a shocker!..heh...n i dint/dont even miss it....hmm 2 days?!...dint even feel it..heh i tink as life gets bzier, gets btr...i dont rant/bitch no more, at least im not as restless or steamin mad/sad as b4..lifes pannin out pretty well...its not excellent or even marginally fun..but at least i feel some self worth..i feel productive n social n fullyfunctional again...bein out there w ppl, doin reg things...i tink i m finaly ready to take on the world
sounds corny i know..but i feel ive recovrd...i feel im capable of enterin society again heh...not only that but i ve this desire to go out there n b productive n useful..lol i sound like an ex-psychopath, or someone jst out frm the looney hse...hahhah...or a fuckin prisoner jst out from servin time lol...phew. i m beepd tho. i jst ate n i cant even move..i got home n was soo hungry, dint even put my stuff down whn i walkd in the door...jst grabbd food n hoggd....now im sittin here motionless. fuck i m tired. phewww
saturday nite: hmm did nothin but watch tv. survivor amazon was on...its gettin shitty coz da 2 bitches r still there, jenna n heid..fuckin sluts. id like em to die a slow, slow death...fuckin cunts: they r arrogant, self centered, annoying n unpretty. i dont realy watch it nemore, i jst leave the tv on as i do other stuff....ew.
i also talkd to des - hes kewl...cute, witty heh...there were a few awkward moments coz i was so tired n sleepy, id mumble someth...n then hes like "eh? wat did u say"..umm...naturaly id get all self conscious aftr that n feel embarrassd...so in response id mumble even more, like a stupid stutterer...blah. but hes funny...love hearin him laugh. its infectious heh..stayd up till abt 7 in the mornin talkin to des...
woke up at 9 coz veni wantd to ve brekkie...n also she had to pick up her aunt from the airport at noon...so she askd me to go w her....i was dead sleepy..but i wud nev let her down n i love hangin w her neway..so we met for brekkie n then went to the airport..had some coffee while waitin, then aftr we met her aunt we hung out at the airport...haha it was crazy, we were so bored outta our witz we ended up stayin there for more than 5 hrs: we had lunch there, browsd the shops, stayd at the bkstores flipin thru porn mags..jk heh. we jst flippd thru some girly mags n commentd on the hot chickz heheh....then we bought some clothes together: oh yea we shud b goin clubbin on weds nite this wk. we ll c..not sure.
today i was w jason all day...met him q early at abt 10a..blah i was tired stil coz i hadnt slept properly the past 2 days. neway it was ok..mornin we dint get nothin done n i felt so horribly guilty....so i wasnt speakin to him that much, i was too embar to even look at him...we took a trip down to the printers to check if the facemasks were ok, YAY looks like tings r goin as plannd n the masks shud hit da media this wk. hopefuly on weds...we had lunch, in the pm we did some callin..mainly to news agencies n the print media, we gna head down there this weds to deliver by hand the masks..that way the wires get hold of the story b4 the easter hols..jason realy wants to get this campaign goin. hes off to taiwan nex wk so hes desperate to finish at least the facemask campaign by this wk.
tomorw i wont b seein him coz hes havin lunch w the only other vegan IN THE WHOLE OF HK that we know of lol. oh yea today we also went to da shops, chkin for components for his pc..we re stil havin probls w the digivid we bought last wk. if we dont get it up n runnin by thurs we r def returnin it. neway i love doin wat im doin, i even cancld work today jst so i cud work w jason..altho he isnt payin me jack shit..heh. mom tinks im crazy but i dont care..nobody wil ever understand y this is important to me.
veni n i r plannin a macau trip for may. preferably the start of may...shes gna take a sicky, n im gna cancel classes..we were sooo xcited talkin abt it yest, she swears shes gna make this happ coz we ve been dyin to go away together...we d plannd to go to bali end nov but the bombing ting happened..first wk of oct i tink? so we shelvd plans...
1. go bungee jumpin off the macau tower 2. get a brazilian wax done (!!)
3. visit strip clubs
4. watch porn all nite lol
5. go skinny dippin
6. n of course - go drinkin, clubbin, dancin to our hearts content..heh
veni made the list abv..lol we re jst kiddin...we were so bored yest we jst let our minds (n fantasies!) wander heh...nah we re gna b good...we dont even the nuff money to b bad heh.
i stil got lots of tings to figure out tho..i need to talk to tatto abt a few things. mebe tonite...sigh. gna go out for a walk w jinn soon...then umm lounge n sit bk n watch some tv...one things fer sure tho, i gta clean my rm someday...its so disgustin here
i cant stand to fly
im not that naive
im just out to find
the better part of me
im more than a bird
im more than a plane
im more than some pretty face
beside a train
and its not easy to be me
i wish that i could cry
fall upon my knees
find a way to lie
bout a home ill never see
it may sound absurd
but thats all that i need
even heroes have the right to bleed
i may be disturbed
but won't you concede
even heroes have the right to dream
n its not easy to be me
up, up and away, away from me
well its all right
you can all sleep sound tonight
im not crazy...or anything
i cant stand to fly
im not that naive
men werent meant to ride
with clouds between their knees
im only a man
no silly red sheet
diggin for kryptonite on this one way street only a man, no phony red sheet
looking for...special things inside of me
inside of me
inside of me
yeah, inside me
inside of me
im only a man
no phony red sheet
im only a man
looking for a dream
im only a man
no phony red sheet
and its not easy...
its not easy
to be me
> ::: the unforgiven ::: >
new blood joins this earth
and quickly hes subdued
thru constant pain disgrace
the young boy learns their rules
with time the child draws in
this whipping boy done wrong
deprived of all this thoughts
the young man struggles on
and on hes known
a vow unto his own
that never from this day
his will theyll take away
what ive felt what ive known
never shined thru in what ive shown
never be never see
wont see what might have been
what i felt what ive known
never shined thru in what ive shown
never be never me
so i dub thee unforgiven
they dedicate their lives
to running all of his
he tries to please them all
this bitter man he is
thruout his life the same
hes battled constantly
this fight he cannot win
a tired man they see
he no longer cares
the old man then prepares
to die regretfully
that old man here is me
what ive felt what ive known
never shined thru in what ive shown
never be never see
wont see what might ve been
what ive felt what ive known
never shined thru in what ive shown
never free never me
so i dub thee unforgiven
what ive felt what ive known
never shined thru in what ive shown
never be never see
wont see what might ve been
what ive felt what ive known
never shined thru in what ive shown
never free never me
so i dub thee unforgiven
01 eat right |
02 get a real job |
03 deal with debts |
04 start a savings plan |
05 always be reading at least one book at all times |
06 read the paper everyday |
07 save up for a car |
08 write letters weekly |
09 think positively |
10 move out, get own place |
11 volunteer at peta |
12 make parents proud of me |
13 be happy |
14 be healthy |
15 focus on life goals |
16 be happy
> ::: whats up ::: >
march 04 | movie date w veni 06 | veni + jericks 9th yr anniversary; AS leaves for sydney for good 11 | AS bday 13 | peta dinner 14 | jericks bday; peta demo at kfc - lan kwai fong, noon 15 | bkfair at german swiss intl school 17 | mom n dads 30th wedding anni 20 | moms bday; meatout 2003 22 | bar hopping w veni? 23 | spca pet walk 2003 - tai tam reservoir, 10a-noon 24 | d-day, 1st year anniversary
april 04 | 9.30am job interv; 2-6pm meet w job agent; first bellydancing class 7.30pm 07 | alfreds bday 07-09 | asia for animals conference 14 | anti-dog/cat eating demo worldwide 19 | ryans bday 27 | unc romy's bday 20 | dads bday
> ::: to do ::: >
. pics on yahoo
. write up a letter to student loans
. send stuff to shah
. sort -ves/pics
. get lenses n glasses
. smth for veni
. jinns vet appt
. dimp, sonys bday pressie
. send kan her stuff
. compile AL/AR ngo list
. head over to cath shop
. post tatt's stuff
. do tim's arts/craft
. trade amex flyer points
. pick up license ($1k), deadline jan 04
. save hotmail sent mail
. burn teroh stuff on cd
. change info of all online accounts
. sunday complaint letter
. read za's blog
. c the doc (maybe?)
. change blog template
. stuff to give sony/dimp
. draft out stans speech
> ::: about moi ::: >
kiara on good days, killkiara on bad days |
a libran in my 20s |
a dragon baby |
vegan and proud |
born in the phils |
moved to hk 20+ yrs ago |
sing used to b my 2nd home
for reasons id rather (but cant) forget |
i have a soft spot for indo |
used to be in love and obssessed with tatto, whos now married |
currently has the hots for/falling in love with stan, a seattle boy
> ::: all i am ::: >
insecure | emotional | disenchanted, disillusioned and disappointed | supersensitive |
melancholic by nature | fragile and easily broken | stubborn as a bull | always restless |
pensive to the point of paranoia | unhealthily sentimental | demonstrative of my feelings | openly affectionate |
i dont forget easily | i listen to my heart more than my head | cold and distant |
i dont like nor trust people | idealistic but hopeless | hoping but pessimistic |
pure in heart but tainted in spirit
> ::: favorite things ::: >
walking barefoot | sky gazing at night | being disorganized | babies (age <6) |
giving presents to ppl i love | clubbing (and drinking) | the
taste of blood | sitting by the pier when im down | really late nights | telling myself
that im a failure, so that when i beat the odds im pleasantly surprised | hugs | being a
girly-girl when im in love | being treated like a girly girl when im in love |
dressing up for the occasion | peanuts and peanut candy | candles and incense sticks | smelling and
kissing the back of my mans neck | spiritual conversations | the smell of vanilla
> ::: pet peeves ::: >
people who chew with their mouths open (esp gum) | festive events esp bdays and
xmas | having to throw stuff away | asians/wannabe gweis with fake pseudo
yanky/pommy/etc accents | nouveau-riche bastards (and bitches) who think theyre all that |
when animals suffer | all this hype over article 23 of the basic
law | people who teach their pets dumb tricks | sorority-type airheads | guys wearing
tight jeans/pants | my hair just after its washed | the sight/smell of raw meat |
being broke | takin cat naps in the afternoon (i wake up real cranky) | lies,
dishonesty, fakeness for the sake of formality
> ::: good gurl ::: >
my honesty | generosity | im very dedicated and devoted | im not materialistic |
im earthy | im true and genuine to myself and the ppl around me | i dont play mindgames
nor bullshit | im environmentally conscious and socially aware | im painstakingly
meticulous in my
thoughts so im never caught unaware in the end | my inate sense of compassion |
im unafraid | im not a sellout (and will never be one)
> ::: bad bitch ::: >
my honesty | prone to xtreme bouts of mood swings, depresssion and self-hate |
i think too much and feel too much | i do stupid things when i feel like it |
im neurotic | im unforgiving | i dont have a sense of humor | i spend too much money |
im always suspicious of people | i procrastinate | when i m anxious, afraid or nervous,
i bite my nails till they bleed | i get too attached to ppl too soon | im a crybaby |
my belief in the existence of a perfect world | my desperate attempts to find that
perfect world
> ::: i want ::: >
to be understood | all animals to be free | animals to not be human fodder | vivisection, hunting, fishing,
fur, circuses, zoos, pet stores, etc banned for good | no
racial/ gender/ ethnic/ class/ religious/ political barriers between us |
honesty from everyone around me | inner peace | true, everlasting love |
to feel excited that im alive | to never lose my integrity | to live simply,
feel deeply, love openly and express honestly
> ::: all the world's a stage ::: >
AS |
first love..almost got engaged to him but i messed up. together for 5+ yrs..the most
wonderful, decent, understanding, kind man in the universe...
whoever marries this guy is the luckiest girl on the planet
jinger |
aka jinn/jinney..much-loved baby, reason of my existence, purpose of my being
kitty |
rip baby girl - ure never forgotten...i love you
roque |
ex-love...came into my life, loved me, turned my life around..then
left for the states suddenly. currently mia but i will always be grateful
to him for saving me..i hold him close to my heart
stan |
current fixation and obsession..object of my affections and my hearts desire.
lives millions of miles away and i miss him terribly :( sexy, studly, gorgeous and has
a beautiful mind
tatto (tatt) |
the love of my life? we could not be together due to circumstances beyond
our control..the creator-destroyer of my life
tim |
my kiddo with tatto. turned 3 in jan 2003..health and happiness to you always
little 'un
tom |
online friend extraordinaire..a truly one of a kind kind of guy
veni |
dancing queen, girl of many men's (and women's?) fantasies,
die-hard gackt fan, anime freak, ardent meat eater...also: best friend/ girlfriend/
life saver/ partner in crime/ personal life coach/ motivator/ unpaid shrink/ punching
bag of yours truly
> ::: current state ::: > updated on 15 apr
local time 01:32 (+8.00 GMT)
wearing | blk baby tee, green hipsters
doing | chillin...i m *so* tired :(
watching | nothing
listening to | nothing
eating | had wholewheat crackers last
drinking | hmm tink gna make myself some kunyit asam now
reading |
1.
our looks, our lives by nancy friday (harper)
2.
the amazing true story of a teenage single mom by katherine arnoldi (hyperion)
3. teen love on relationships by kimberly kirgerger (hci teens)
4. the perfectly contented meat-eater's guide to vegetarianism by mark warren reinhardt (continuum)
I believe that imagination is stronger than knowledge -
That myth is more potent than history.
I believe that dreams are more powerful than facts -
That hope always triumphs over experience -
That laughter is the only cure for grief.
And I believe that love is stronger than death.
~ Robert Fulghum
If you think your love would not be welcomed do not voice it. For it be slient it
can be endured, and guarded, like a flame.
~ Antoine de Saint-Exupery
Its best to not ask the questions of answers u dont wanna know,
or answers which u know will only bring u pain.
~ me
sometimes you just have to learn to let things go.
its hard.
you let go though.
don't dwell on something until it eats you away. try to see people in the now,
and what they mean. not by things they've done in the past.
~ rola
Love is passion. Obsession. Someone you can't live without.
Someone you fall head over heels for. Find someone you can love like crazy,
and will love you the same way back. Listen to your heart. No sense in life
without this. To make the journey without fallin deeply in love, you haven't
lived a life at all. You have to try, because if you haven't tried, then you
haven't really lived.
~ from "Meet Joe Black"
Every place you land in life has a reason and a lesson.
~ Tori Amos
One must still have chaos in oneself to be able to give birth to a dancing star.
The first step to finding love is to look inside yourself for it.
God grant me the serenity to accept the things i cannot change,
courage to change the things i can, n wisdom to know the difference.
Life is a tragedy for those who feel, and a comedy for those who think
The greatest power we have is the power of choice. It's an actual fact that if you've
been moping in unhappiness, you can choose to be joyous instead and by effort,
lift yourself to joy. If you tendto be fearful, you can overcome that misery by
choosing to have courage. Even in the darkest grief you have choice. The whole
trend and quality of anyone's life is determined in the long run by the choices
that are made.
~ Norman Vincent Peale
If you have the courage to love, you survive.
~ Maya Angelou
We are healed from suffering only by experiencing it in the full.
~ Marcel Proust
To fear love is to fear life, and those who fear life are already three parts dead.
~ Bertrand Russell
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